For The Hard Of Thinking

This week new research came out saying that using Viagra is linked to a reduced risk of Alzheimer’s. It’s a double-win as you’d be able to access some really good memories into your old age.

It’s early days but it seems like good news. I can only imagine how many of those blue pills they’re cramming down Joe Biden at the moment.

At last year’s Edinburgh Fringe my solo show was all about my late parents and their Alzheimer’s. I wish this news had broken before I put that show together. It’s hard to write jokes about such an experience but if I had the option of having material about Viagra I would have been doing the, “Can you get it over the counter,” jokes.

It’s important to note that the research has only found a statistical link. The men who used Viagra seem to have less Alzheimer’s but they haven’t found a causal link. It could be that having less chance of Alzheimer’s means you’re more likely to use Viagra, which is a fair swap.

In researching my show I found other things that are linked to keeping a healthier memory as you age. It might not be the drug itself, it could be the romantic result. Being sexually active is good for you. In 2014 researchers at the University of Maryland found middle-aged rats made more brain cells in the hippocampus after mating. I don’t find rats that attractive so I’ll rule that one out.

Research from Kyoto University found a link between standing on one leg and having better brain health. You have to pick a lane here. It’s either standing on one leg or taking Viagra. You can’t really do both.

There are some suggestions that are more useful. They say that eating chocolate can improve brain function. If that were really the case I’d be like Einstein but let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth.

Red wine has flavonoids, which are good for us too. Plus grapes are technically one of your five-a-day. So that’s the health food sorted.

Listening to power ballads has been shown to boost brain performance. With some of the slow, overly sentimental songs from the 1980s I assume this evolved so our brains could quickly work out how to turn the radio off before Mariah kicks in.

In conclusion, if you want to keep your brain in good health for years to come there are some simple steps you can take. Put on some soft music, get out the wine and chocolate and have some Viagra. With advice like that I trust your Valentine’s Days will be memorable too.

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