25/04/2011

Violent Kids

The Daily Mail today says that 15 pupils under six are attacking teachers every day.

I hope it's not the same 15 every day or someone needs to have a word.

Schools must be like the film Bugsy Malone, with gangs of little people bringing terror. But they're only little, surely they can't cause that much damage.

With 15 of them they can team up, in sets of 3 who stand on each other's shoulders, like in Terrahawks. They'd be about grown up height, and there'd be 5 of them.

In fact, it makes you wonder how many crimes are done by balancing kids. If you weren't a teacher, but out for a stroll one night you get mugged by 3 kids upright, you wouldn't tell the police about it. You'd pretend and say it was a gang of men.

The world could be like a low-brow version of The Village of the Damned; the kids are terrorising everyone.

Nearly 9 in the same age group are banned daily for violent attacks on fellow pupils and a further 9 a day for persistent disruptive behaviour, Government figures show. Three a day are sent home for using foul language to teachers.

The trouble is, you're not allowed to hit kids. In the old days we could've won this war but now they know we can't hit them they have the upper hand.

Thankfully the old people of the world have spotted the solution. You just need to tell the police and wait. As the OAPs say, policemen are getting younger these days. As soon as they get young enough that they're under 9 they can hit back. Result!

>Read the source story
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