Man Has Sex with Lilo

Best headline I saw today was:

"Man has sex with lilo"

I remembered that Lilo is the nickname for Lindsay Lohan but realised that can't be the story. There's no way "Man has sex with Lindsay Lohan" is newsworthy, or E! Entertainment would be running that headline so often they'd just use Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V to do it.

Turns out it was actually a lilo. A man was caught having sex with a floatation device.

The man is 34-year-old Edwin Tobergta, from Ohio. A witness claimed he saw Edwin "having sexual relations with a rubber pool float." In his defence, if you have ever tried to get on a lilo when it's in the pool it can look like you're trying to bonk it. And if it's a real struggle it even sounds like you're having sex with it; the grunting and saying, "Come here you little f***er! Stop trying to get away!" I don't always say that during sex but... nevermind.

The reason this story gets a mention is because it's similar to a recent item on SomeNews about a man who had sex with a sofa. The issue isn't that these men want to have sex with inanimate objects, I've been in relationships where it's felt like that. The problem is doing it outdoors. Why? Does your sofa like the thrill of being caught? Does your lilo only get wet in the pool? OK, bad example.

If you're going to be a perv do it in your own home. Whatever you do, don't do what Edwin Tobergta did. By having sex with a lilo you risk puncturing it. So he's let society down, he's let himself down, but most of all...

>Read the source story


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