That's An Ugly Cold Front

The front page of the Express today has a picture of Ann Widdecombe posing with two donkeys. Not the first time she's been seen with a couple of asses... she was in the Tory party remember.

An over-weight virgin and a donkey. It's like the world's worst nativity scene.

But the main story is about the weather. It's the coldest winter for 100 years and we still don't have the gritters doing their work to keep the roads clear.

Last we we ran out of salt. I know who was to blame for that, KFC. Seriously, you order three bits of chicken and they still throw some packets of salt in your bag. Who has salt with fried chicken? Salt and transfats. That's not a meal, it's a suicide attempt.

This year we have all the salt and grit that we need, we just can't spread it on the roads.

So, what should you do if you get caught out in the freezing snow? The answer is on the front page. Find yourself an Ann Widdecombe. You can slit her open with a light sabre and climb inside her like a Tauntaun in Star Wars.

"And I thought she smelled bad on the OUTSIDE!"


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