Man Eats And Phones While Driving

A driver was stopped by police after he was caught speaking on his mobile phone, operating a hand-held computer and eating a sandwich, all at the same time as driving on a motorway.

And they say men can't multi-task!

John Mills was flagged down after he pulled out in front of a police patrol car forcing the driver to brake. They saw he was busy eating a salad sandwich and messing with his phone.

This guy is an idiot. No one wins in this situation. He'll never enjoy a sandwich like that. Take the time to savour the bready goodness.

And the guy on the other end of the phone will be annoyed too. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who's driving? Just as you're getting to your good point they start paying attention to a roundabout or something. Rude!

Oh... and it's dangerous too.

He denied using a stylus to operate his digital personal organiser and instead said he was trying to shut off the device which was running low on power and making an "ear-piercing" noise.

Eating and suffering with the loud noise while your life is in danger. It's like going into a McDonald's after 11.

>Read the source story

Read More

Podcast 2 - Boots Ad, Pantless Travel & Ageism

It's the SomeNews Podcast, episode 2. It's a look at some of the items in the news with a different take.

In this one we talk about the flu epidemic and how that Boots ad isn't helping, we hear about ageism and we get to the bottom of pantless travel.





More Options
  Subscribe on iTunes

Download the mp3

Download from the back-up server

Get email alert when new podcast is released

Subscribe to the RSS feed

Get the podcast via bit torrent

Listen via the SomeNews Android app

Email this podcast to a friend

Pass it on  

Read More

Jordan's Man-a-Day Claim

Today the Daily Star talks about Jordan. That makes a change! If she retires the Star will have to stop its Sunday edition.

The front page accuses the model of sleeping with a different man every night. I don't believe that for one minute. Purely on an administrative level, I don't think Jordan has the organizational skills to make that work.

That would be one hell of a rota, and there are 7 days in a week, a prime number. Not a chance.

Unless she's making her way through the phone book. That could work and she'd have a few months where all she'd have to say in bed is, "Oh, you're so sexy Mr Smith."

The really worrying thing about this is, if she has a different man every night, eventually we'll all have to have a go. It'll be like jury service. You'll try to get out of it for a while and then just hope your one doesn't go on to long and it doesn't involve kids.

Read More

Sarah Palin Strikes Again

This has to be one of the best bits of PR ever. After a shooting in America some people pointed out that the violent language used by people like Sarah Palin might not have helped the situation.

She then releases a statement saying these people should not "manufactured a blood libel" and thereby offended the Jewish community.

If she could've slipped something in there about the gays she could've hit the hattrick.

It all started after a shooting in Tucson, the same place she had previously delivered a speech where she said they should take up arms... and someone did... and that's awkward.

What she needs to deploy is the age old, "Well, if I told you to jump off a bridge, would you?" defence. It always worked in school.

Palin said: "We know violence isn't the answer. When we 'take up our arms,' we're talking about our vote." Then why not call it a vote. I don't want to be Roy Walker here but say what you see.

I think anyone who deliberately uses violent language to stir up political anger to benefit their own cause should have a massive cactus shoved right up their bottom and twisted round a bit. And when I say, "a massive cactus shoved right up their bottom and twisted round a bit," I of course mean, "they shouldn't be voted for." I see how this works.

>Read the source story

Read More

BBC 'Out With The Old...'

The BBC has been accused of being ageist. I have to agree. How come it's only babies who get swapped round on EastEnders? No one ever turns up to care home and mixes up the old folk. That's double standards.

This is the case of Countryfile presenter Miriam O'Reilly who was sacked when the TV show went to prime time. She says the BBC doesn't like old women.

I don't know about that. They play Madonna songs.

The tribunal found in her favour and accused the BBC of "social engineering" when it got rid of her.

Not liking old folk is one thing but "social engineering" sounds like something Hitler did.

I don't like ageist and I don't like the sound of social engineering but still, it's better than "unsocial engineering", which is when my neighbour tries to fix his car at 8am on a Sunday. Stupid old fart!

Read More

No Pants On Public Transport

3,500 commuters dropped their trousers in New York to celebrate the 10th annual No Pants Subway Ride.

Wait a minute. You mean for all the other days of the year you are meant to be wearing pants on the underground? Ooops!

They all boarded trains at a designated time, and, once travelling, stripped their 'pants' off, leaving those not in the know open-mouthed.

Well, I guess you wouldn't want to breathe through your nose.

It's like an underwear version of a flash mob. A flesh mob, if you will. The one in London was called the No Trousers Tube Ride because the word 'pants' means something different over here.

There's another reason we can't call it the No Pants Subway Ride. You'd get banned from that sandwich shop for life.

>Read the source story

Read More

Man Shot In Head Sneezes Bullet

This is something of an amazing story. A man was shot in the head but just sneezed out the bullet.

I guess that's what happens when someone tries to assassinate David Blain.

No, it was some chap called Mr Sangermano from Naples, Italy, who was hit by the stray bullet as revellers fired into the air on New Year's Eve.

As a side note, that means someone at that celebration is such a bad shot he couldn't even hit the sky when he aimed for it, but back to the main story.

The .22-calibre round entered the right side of his head, passed behind his eye, hit a bone in his nose and finally lodged in his nostril, before being sneezed out in hospital.

From now on whenever he gets hay-fever everyone near him will take cover.

It's a neat trick, getting shot in the head and blowing the bullet out of your nose. I bet everyone concerned is glad he wasn't shot in the lower back.

>Read the source story

Read More

Asylum Seekers On Run

Tomorrow's Express tells us: "One In 7 Asylum Seekers On Run"

Hey, if we play this right we could do well at our own Olympics. Leave them on the run till early 2012 so they're practised, then have an amnesty and all of a sudden we're getting golds.

OK, the other countries might notice our best athletes can't speak English that well but let them hear David Beckham speak and it would prove a point.

We need to do well at this Olympics because it is costing a lot at a time when we are running out of money. We have 20% VAT, students are being robbed, benefits are being cut and we are building a new running track. Great.

But we could just about make the situation work for us as long as we win. We need to get gold in all the events, then with a few freepost envelopes to Cash4Gold... you see where I'm going here.

Read More

(Sunday) Express An Opinion And Stick To It

Today the Express talks more about the Joanna Yeates murder case. Don't worry, we're not doing jokes about that. But the front page of the Express says that all men living in Bristol should give a DNA sample to help solve this case.

This is Bristol we're talking about. If all the men gave DNA we might find out they're all related. Imagine how news like that would affect the Bristolians. For a start they'd have a lot more gifts to buy at Christmas.

It'll never work because anyone who gives a DNA sample will be innocent and the odd one or two who slip through will include the person you're after. It's unworkable tokenism on behalf of the Express.

The Express was also on this blog in the week with the headline: "Scandal Of Big Brother Britain" with a story saying the police knew too much about us.

So, not just changing point of view as and when it suits then?

>Read the source story

Read More

Podcast 1 - Big Bro, Big Fatties & Chimps

It's the SomeNews Podcast, episode 1. It's a look at some of the items in the news with a different take.

I know we have done lots of audio sketches on this site but it was about time this website went all multi-media and launched a podcast, so here it is.

In this, the first ever SomeNews.co.uk Podcast, we hear about Big Brother Britain, fat people getting thin while thin people are getting fat and we talk to a monkey. Have a listen.





More Options
  Subscribe on iTunes

Download the mp3

Get email alert when new podcast is released

Subscribe to the RSS feed

Get the podcast via bit torrent

Listen via the SomeNews Android app

Email this podcast to a friend

Pass it on  

Read More

Phone Hacking

The Independent has more on the phone hacking scandal. Just to clarify, that's not where you phone someone and make throwing up noises down the phone, although that is fun too.

This is the story of News of the World journalists hacking into the phones of politicians and celebs. Well, I say hacking, it was often the case that the celeb hadn't changed their password from the factory settings and the journalists used the standard passwords to check their voicemail.

That's not really hacking. That's like saying a sparrow pulled off an elaborate, Mission Impossible-style break-in when I accidentally left a window open.

Now the Met police force face growing calls for it to be stripped of its powers in the inquiry, with MPs and public figures demanding that an independent police force take over the case.

Wow. I Know The Independent has a newspaper, a website, some podcasts and that new I newspaper, but they have a police force too?

>Read the source story

Read More

Half A Bride At The Wedding

A bride who shed 11 stone in order to get in shape for her wedding was crowned as one of the UK's top slimmers.

So, congratulations to Laura Powell, 27, from Ellesmere Port, Cheshire... for finally finding that angle that makes men interested in getting married.

She lost the weight so she could slip into a slender size 10 dress for her wedding day.

Well done to her. I mean, it would've been easier to just buy a different dress but maybe she's not a strategist.

She was 23st 7lb before the diet and lost 11 stone in 18 months.

It made the wedding so much better. If she didn't lose the weight that little figurine of her one the wedding cake would've crushed the top two layers.

>Read the source story

Read More

Big Brother Britain

The Express says Britain is turning into Big Brother. Sadly it means because of all the cameras that are filming us. It would be better if we could vote people off. Take a walk into any town and you'll spot someone you wish you could vote out of Britain. It would be great here if we could, but the Jeremy Kyle Show would be quiet.

The police have been secretly storing data about us. Civil liberties groups have been upset that the West Midlands Police, for example, has built up 1.1 million records over the past 12 years

I love that we get worried about the police knowing details about us. We rant and rave about civil liberties when a CCTV camera looks at us and we hate when the authorities store our details... and then we go on Facebook and document everything about our lives.

>Read the source story

Read More