17/04/2012

UK In Drought

UK In DroughtIn the UK we are now in the worst drought since 1976. How is this possible? We live in a country that is in drought yet we get rained on most days. It's the worst of both worlds. It's like being Ann Widdecombe AND having chlamydia.

More than half of Britain is now in drought, and it's the lower half. As a poor northerner it's quite pleasing to see it's just the rich south that has a hosepipe ban. "Oh dear, rich south, you can't use your hosepipes. What will you beat the help with now?"

Parts of the country are already drier than they were in the summer of 1976, when Britain experienced its worst drought for more than 100 years. I wasn't even born in 1976 so I don't know how dry it was in the late 70s but I hope the Queen appreciates that we're doing it again to celebrate her Diamond Jubilee. The Sex Pistols are re-releasing God Save the Queen, like they did in '77, so the drought will help to recreate the vibe.

The drought of 1976 led to standpipes being installed in residential streets, water supplies to businesses being rationed and schools having to close early.

I don't know why schools back then used so much water. I think it's because, in the 70s, computers in the IT department were steam-powered. Yeah, that makes sense.

Caroline Spelman, the Environment Secretary, is urging households to cut back on the amount of water they use, saying: "As more areas of the UK move into drought it is vital that we use less water to protect the public's water supply in the driest areas of the country."

I'm doing my part. I'm still taking long showers, still washing the car and still flushing the toilet be it brown or yellow. But I am using less water. I'm having my gin neat.
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