19/04/2013

The No Incest App

Just when you thought all of the good apps had been invented, comes ones that you'll wonder, "How did we ever live without it?"

There's an app you can get that stops you having incest.

Before you worry that this invention will force The Jeremy Kyle Show to cut down to one a week, there are some details to cover. It's designed to use in Iceland. That's no good to me. I want one that's designed to use just round the back of Iceland, near Primark, because that's where I'm more likely to have sex.

I know it's the country Iceland that it means, but I still think that makes the app pointless for me. Already I would assume I'm not related to anyone in Iceland, but it is better to be safe than very sorry.

The app uses a database of Icelanders and works out their heritage. When you "bump" the app with the person you're about to sleep with it compares your family tree and warns you if you're doing a Level 42*.

It must be a very frustrating app to use though. You've met someone you are attracted to, you drink, you dance, you head back to their place where the kissing starts. You get more passionate, you both know there's a green light and you're about to embark on the most sexually exciting night when...

HER: Have you got protection?
HIM: I've got the app if that's what you mean?
HER: OK, let's check...
HIM: Motherf***er!
HER: Are you upset because is it bad news?
HIM: No, that's the result of the test, motherf***er!
HER: Ooooh.

The producers, from Sad Engineer Studios, said: "The 'Incest Prevention' is a fun feature that the user can enable through the options menu which will notify him with both text and sound if the one he bumps with someone who is too related to him."

It'll stop many embarrassing moments but it could've really ruined the end of The Empire Strikes Back.

>Read the source story

* Keeping it "Running in the Family" a little too much.
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