Olympics Empty Seat Scandal

The latest scandal at the London Olympics is that masses of empty seats have been seen at many events.

Don't worry, some of those same empty seats keep turning up at my comedy gigs. Don't let it stop you. Admittedly, the Olympians don't get many laughs. So we have two things in common already.

Millions of people applied for tickets in the ballot but were told they couldn't have any, so these empty seats have kind of been rubbing their noses in it. It's like when you enter a lottery, don't win and later hear that some chump hasn't claimed the prize money.

The scandal before this was when we heard G4S had screwed up the security, so the organisers had to bring the army in. Now there's a scandal over the unused seats can you guess what they have done? They've brought in the army.

They are giving some of these unused seats to soldiers. You feel sorry for any terrorists. It's soldiers on the doors and soldiers in the stadia. And the people competing can throw things like javelins a really long way.

It's a good job the Arab Spring wasn't this year. "Sorry Libya, all of our armed forces are busy. They have beach volleyball at 3pm."

Still, it's not a bad idea, when things don't go well with the Olympics we call in the military. They should've done it when Rebecca Adlington was only going to get bronze. Send in the navy to torpedo the two in the lead.

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