25/07/2012

Olympics Update: It's Started, Kinda

The SomeNews Olympics UpdateHere's today's SomeNews Olympic Update.

Good news. A planned strike by immigration workers on the eve of the London 2012 Olympics has been called off by the Public and Commercial Services union.

Immigration workers? They're the ones who control who comes into this country, right? Having them on strike was the one thing that could've helped us win. If their strike could've left backlogs at the ports our athletes could've finally run at their own pace and got some gold medals. And the UK needs some gold medals.

It's not just about the increase morale of winning, the UK actually needs the gold. We could send it to some of those Cash4Gold places and sort out this darned double-dip recession.

And that's another piece of news, we're in the longest double-dip recession in 50 years after we heard the economy had shrunk for the third quarter in a row. If you think a "dip" lasts 9 months, stay the heck away from my tea with your biscuits. And that's good news for pregnant women. The 9 months you spend going through changes, getting massive probably getting piles... just a dip.

And in other Olympics news, it's started. The women's football got under way, even though the opening ceremony isn't till later this week. If this were the 100-metres, that would be a false start.

Not only is it before the start, it's also taking place in Cardiff. It's sexism. They make the women play their Olympic football before the Olympic starts and they play in Cardiff, as part of London 2012.

Still, it's not a bad idea. If we could move all the events to before the start, it won't matter that the immigration people will let the other athletes in, we will have already won.


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