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Jean-Claude Van Damme has said that he had an affair with Kylie Minogue. After all that Kylie has been through I already felt sorry for her, but after this, I'm starting an Help Kylie Foundation. The poor love.
It was back in the 90s when they worked together on the Street Fighter film in Thailand. She was attracted to the Muscles from Brussels, but I never really believed that's where he was from. I always fancied he was the Twerp from Antwerp, or maybe even the Bugger from Zeebrugge.
It came to light after Jean talked about it as he promoted his new film "Expendables 2". If you see the state of some of the actors in it you'd think it was called "Expandables".
He told The Guardian newspaper: "I tell you what, you should ask her. She'll have a better memory. I'm 51 years old, do you know how much I was punched in the face on 'The Expendables'?"
Is the answer "not enough"?
She had flings with Jean-Claude Van Damme and with Michael Hutchence. Sometimes you think, the wrong one asphyxi-wanked himself.
I'm just being harsh because I'm jealous. I always wanted to have an affair with Kylie when I was growing up but of course it never happened. But to hear that someone like him managed to get her is so annoying. And he said it was easy to pull her. He said: "I knew Thailand very well, so I showed her my Thailand."
How can I compete with that? I don't know Thailand so I can's show her MY Thailand. All my childhood holidays were in the UK. I could show her MY Wokey Hole? Something tells me she'd say no.