Breastfeeding At Work

A great headline: "Breastfeed Your Baby In The Office".I should point out, it means if you work in that office. Don't just turn up to someone else's place of work and start serving.This is the news that mothers will be able to bring their babies to work and businesses will...

Read More

An Aspirin A Day...

According to the Telegraph, all over-45s should take a daily dose of aspirin.I agree. I'm only in my thirties and already I find kids today too noisy. If I were over 45 I'd have a pounding headache from all those kids walking round listening to music on their mobile phone speakers....

Read More

A Cheryl Cole Exclusive

Cheryl Cole might be getting some flack on X Factor but don't feel too sorry for her. Her least 'revealing' autobiography, "Through My Eyes" (Bantam, £18.99) is going to be a big hit this Christmas.I bet when "Bantam" approached her she said, "No, I'm not a boxer, I only do...

Read More

Ireland Needs A Telethon

Looks like we'll be giving Ireland £7.5billion as part of a huge international bailout of £86billion. Why not? It's not like we're in debt at the moment! Imagine trying that yourself. Get into massive debt and when the bank manager asks what you're doing with your money,...

Read More

Pope's OK With Condoms

Front page of the Sunday Telegraph had this headline: "The Pope approves use of condoms to fight Aids." It seems like he's going to lengths to point out that they should only be used to fight Aids, nothing else. So if you're a drugs mule, this is not for you. It will be tricky...

Read More

Jason Manford Web Sex

Jason Manford quit the BBC's "The One Show" after admitting internet sex sessions with 12 female fans. The comedian revealed he had betrayed his wife with steamy chats to 12 girls on Twitter and video calls on Skype. It makes you think. First it was Leslie Grantham and EastEnders,...

Read More

Wagner - Your Friend With Benefits

Get this for X Factor scandal. Wagner has been getting incapacity benefit. If anyone should be getting that it's Katie Waissel, because it looks like she can't do anything right at the moment. The Brazilian has become a hit on the ITV1 show with his strange singing and strenuous...

Read More

Royal Wedding - Should We Care?

Is this the biggest news ever and we haven't mentioned it yet on SomeNews... the royal wedding! Since the news broke I have been working hard trying to give a sh*t about it. Hey, why should we care about a royal wedding these days? They're not like in the olden days when...

Read More

The Real Apple Announcement

Today there was a 'big announcement' from Apple. Oooh, it was exiting. I was busy writing down my grid reference from my satnav because I thought people would ask, "Where were you when you heard the massive news?" And then we heard it... Apple will be selling some Beatles...

Read More

More X Factor Judges

The four X Factor judges could be joined by a fifth, so that we don't have a re-run of the mess Cheryl Cole caused by refusing to cast her vote. That's great news. I don't care about the X Factor but that's one more job filled and it all helps the unemployment figures. Simon...

Read More

Student Riots

The biggest news of the week has t have been the NUS protest. That's the interesting thing about the NUS, National Union of Students; it's the only union that calls a protest not a strike. I suppose, if all the students went on strike and stopped working for a day it wouldn't...

Read More

Baby For Sale

A Florida woman was charged with trying to sell her infant son in order to pay for a new car. Wow. I didn't even know Madonna sold cars. What happened was, the baby's grandmother brokered the deal and initially demanded $75,000 (£47,000) but agreed to cut the price to $30,000...

Read More

Cheryl's Pie In The Face

Cheryl Cole got custard pie in the face at Pride Of Britain Awards. Wow! This is big news. It's the nearest she's been to food in ages. The X Factor judge agreed to let fan Cameron Small, 12, chuck the cake at her as she presented him with the Young Fundraiser prize in exchange...

Read More

George W Bush's Memoirs

Today's Independent talks about George W Bush's memoirs. Their headline is: "Regrets? Too few to mention." Really, are you sure it shouldn't be "Too many to count"? And this is George W Bush, if he has more than ten regrets he'd have to take his shoes off to count them. ...

Read More

Prisoners Go Home (Like E.T.)

Thousands of foreign prisoners are to be sent home to serve their sentences in their home countries. The right wing newspapers are loving this story. It's right up their street. These are the same newspaper that got upset when youth offenders were sent on a holiday. How...

Read More

Prisoner Suffragettes

The Express got upset today about the fact that prisoners in the UK will get the right to vote. Don't worry. I don't think they'll make it to the polling stations. The newspaper said: "A cave-in by the Government could see about 70,000 inmates including murderers, rapists...

Read More

Obama Suffers Blow

Headline of the day has to be "Obama Suffers Blow". It must be a Democrat thing because I remember Bill Clinton suffered the same. Suffer seems like the wrong word (although Lewinsky did have large teeth). Barack has done badly in the mid-terms. I know, if you're British,...

Read More

British Army Under French Control

The British army is to take French orders. So, looks like we're surrendering. I'm kidding. I'd like to thank the spirit of Stan Boardman for that joke. If you don't know who Stan Boardman is, he was a cross between John Bishop and... no, just John Bishop. Britain and France...

Read More

Alcohol vs Illegal Drugs

Alcohol is more dangerous than illegal drugs like heroin, ecstasy and crack cocaine, a new study has said. A study of what, Amy Winehouse's second album? Researchers rated alcohol the most dangerous substance based on the overall dangers to the individual and society as a...

Read More