Then I actually saw the photos, and I couldn't work out which one the Duchess of Cambridge was. "Is that Kate or Wills? It's a pale, skinny person with no boobs, it could be either!"
But then I worked it out. The pictures have been published in many places throughout Europe and I've seen them so many times they're etches into my memory. I would say they're stored in the Wank Bank, but given who she is they're in the The Royal Bank of Wanking.
And now there's still no rest. A celebrity gossip magazine has said that Kate Middleton is pregnant. Their front cover is a picture of Kate and the headline: "It's Twins!" Which is exactly what I said when I saw the topless pictures.
I honestly don't know if this magazine is right or not, and I don't care. I've looked into it and even if she is pregnant we don't get another bank holiday. I guess it would be nice to have a new royal, but if she is already pregnant and those were her pregnancy boobs on that balcony, I kind of feel sorry for William.
So, what evidence does the magazine have? She was spotted, wait for it... drinking water!
Gotcha! Why else would a land mammal who originally evolved in the oceans, need to add water to their body? What's more likely, she's pregnant or she was thirsty? It's pregnant all the way, right?
And Star Magazine also tried to prove she was up the royal duff by showing she had the beginnings of a baby bump. But pictures on the internet show the same picture without the bump. So it looks like she has been airbrushed to make her look pregnant. And here's the stinger in the tail. The belly that they have electronically added to her to make her look like she is carrying twins... is still smaller than my natural belly. Ouch!
>Read the source story
.jpg)
