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With all the work I'm doing on radio at the moment it's very annoying that I can't talk about the Wayne Rooney story. Let's be honest, he won't be listening to the breakfast shows I have been covering. He'll be too busy making breakfast in bed.
But those are the laws that govern radio broadcast in the UK; I can't repeat any allegations made in print. That makes sense. He's a footballer. He's far more likely to listen to someone saying words than actually read them.
But on the web I can say what I like, so here goes.
Yep, it's claimed that Wayne Rooney slept with a £1,200-a-night prostitute, Jenny Thompson, while his missus was pregnant.
OMG. I'm shocked. I didn't know he could count that high.
He spent the night with her but I imagine that was 5 minutes of sex and the rest of the night spent counting out twenties.
Normally it's Coleen who wastes lots of money buying things when she already has something at home that's slightly older but it would do.
According to the Mirror today Wayne wasn't even apologetic. It says when Wayne confessed to his missus he made it out to be "no big deal". And a family friend said: "Coleen never expects him to be Mr Emotional, but he just mumbled an apology as if he'd just spilled a glass of milk."
A whole glass? Well, he's still a young man.
Do you know who I feel sorry for in all this? Peter Crouch. He cheated on his missus with a £800-a-night escort. How cheap does he look now!