'It's Over', The Coles

Cheryl Cole will be granted a divorce from her footballer husband. That's good news if you have fancied Cheryl. She's now free to do what her husband was doing for the last few years.

In the paper it said her divorce would be a "quickie" from Ashley.

She's not the first woman who can claim to have had one of those.

They separated in February following allegations about the sportsman's infidelity. In January 2008 it was revealed that he had slept with hairdresser Aimee Walton.

I have never been with a hairdresser but I do worry that they try to have inane conversations during the act. "Oooh yeah, ooh yeah! Oooh, have you been anywhere nice this year?"

Although it would be worth it if, when you've finished, she gets a mirror out to show you the other angles.

In February this year it was in the news that Ashley bombarded women with naked pictures of himself from his mobile.

It makes David Beckham look like a saint. He only send rude text messages, he didn't know how to work MMS. And in Beckham's defence, if I had a voice like that I would flirt via text.

The Cole's will split their £20million fortune equally but Cheryl will get the dogs.

I'm sure he'll get some once he hits the nightclubs again.

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