28/03/2012

Osborne Says Eat Cold Sausage

Osborne Says Eat Cold SausageIt's not been a good time for prices. Petrol has hit a record high, beer is more expensive and second class stamps are going up to 50p. If only there was a way to use the internet to send mail, like some sort of electronic mailing system. I don't know what you'd call it though.

Things are so expensive a meal can cost you £250,000, but that comes with a free David Cameron.

In the budget VAT was put on hot snacks like bacon sandwiches or sausage rolls. And now, George Osborne has been branded "heartless" for saying hard-pressed Brits could avoid his VAT hike on hot food by buying COLD pasties.

Pressed on whether the "pasty tax" was fair, Mr Osborne said: "If it's cold when you buy it, it will not be VAT-able."

Can we buy it when it's cold and pay for it before Greggs have warmed it up? Is that how it works? Is this one of those tax avoidance things that rich folk do?

People have compared him to Marie Antoinette, and not just because they both have feminine jaw lines. She was the one who said, "Let them eat cake". But she clearly knew bugger all about the tax system because there's already VAT on confectioneries.

It's hard to work out the reason for this tax hike. It's not a green tax. The carbon footprint of warming up a little sausage roll didn't even get a mention in Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth". And it can't be a sin tax, because a cold one has just as many calories.

It seems that George Osborne doesn't like sausage rolls and he's slapped a tax on them. It makes you long for the days when Ken Clarke was the Chancellor. Now there's a man who wouldn't tax a pasty. He'd be bankrupt in weeks.

Oh, but there is one good bit of good food news out there. Scientists have found that eating a small amount of chocolate a day could help you lose weight. That's great news. If a small amount can help you lose weight imagine how thin I'll get with all the chocolate I cram down my face-hole when I get depressed.

Eating chocolate is something I thought would make me fat but it turns out it'll make me thin. Next we'll find out my second favourite habit actually gives you good eye sight instead of making you go blind.

In case you were wondering, my second favourite habit is watching magnesium ribbon burn. Well, a man needs a hobby.

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