Ken Barlow - Sex Machine

Sometimes it is hard for the single people of the UK. I don't mean things like Valentine's Day. I mean, when you turn on the TV to watch Channel 5's Big Body Squad and see someone who's 60-stone talking about their wives. The single of the UK must watch that and think, "How the hell did he manage to attract a woman?" And the answer, of course, is gravity.

But the Daily Mirror's front page has an even harsher message for the single people of this nation. Coronation Street actor Bill Roache says "I've Slept With 1,000 Women".

Does he realise "slept with" isn't the same as "put to sleep"?

The man who plays Ken Barlow is a stud muffin. I didn't see that coming. Maybe they're attracted to his... nah, maybe it's that he... seriously, ladies, what has he got?

In the past, when musicians claimed to have had loads of sexual partners I thought, "That's OK. These musical types are sexy, mysterious, different. No wonder they do better than me." But Ken 'boring*' Barlow is getting more ass than I've even seen on Babestation, let along had! What's going on in the world.

In the interview he says, "I didn't have any control over my sex drive." Dude, these 1,000 women, did they OK it first?

He says in this interview that he slept with 1,000 women, and then it says "Full story: Pages 4&5." Oh no, do they list them? It certainly knocks Frankie Cocozza's list of seven names into a cocked hat.

* For legal reasons I have to point out that he's not actually boring. A while back The Sun newspaper said that about him and he successfully sued them. So, just for the record, Bill Roache is not boring. Although I bet that's what his bed thinks he's trying to do.


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