On the front page of the Daily Mail, something that is upsetting, irritating and can lead to servere diarrhoea. No, not Ronan Parke from Britain's Got Talent, the E.coli outbreak. Although I can see why you thought that. Honestly, kids today don't know they're born. In my day we didn't have health scares about vegetables, we had to eat our flippin' greens.
The deadly new strain of E.coli has spread to Britain. I don't know whereabouts exactly in Britain but I'm guessing it's not in Yorkshire, or it would be called E.E.coli.
This is the mutant strain that has been linked to cucumbers. There's a bit in the paper wher it says, "Unlike previous outbreaks, this strain of E.coli mainly attacks women."
What have they been doing with those cucumbers?
The worst outbreak is in Germany. It emerged last night that the food bug has struck two Americans who had recently travelled to Hamburg.
Hang on, the town of Hamburg, where they make all the hamburgers, is spreading a bug that makes people stop eating veg. This is all some clever PR.
After years of all the vegetarians and vegans being so smug about things like mad cow disease, it's nice to finally see it go the other way for once. "What's that you say Heather Mills, we should only eat veg? After you."
And now the infection has spread to the UK we are being told to avoid certain vegetables. Avoid vegetables? Now there's something we're good at.
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