Yesterday we heard that Hugh Grant had become a father. That in itself should be big news. That means he actually had some sex. Anyone who umms an arhs like that, it's a miracle he ever gets any. "What, um, sex? Would I like some, erm, well, um, I think, erm the bigger question is, um, your limo back seat or mine?"
But it's the circumstances in which Hugh Grant gained his daddy status that make this interesting. He is not with the mother of the child any more but is said to be "thrilled" about becoming a father.
This is great. Is this like the opposite of those stories about woman who start to worry that they're getting old, go out and find a drunk man to get them pregnant? Did Hugh basically find himself and womb-donor? How very modern?
A source told the publication: "He's going to be a great dad!"
Really? When the kid throws up in the back of his car what can Hugh do? He hardly has the moral high ground when it comes to making messes on back seats.
Hugh's publicist said: "I can confirm that Hugh Grant is the delighted father of a baby girl. He and the mother had a fleeting affair and while this was not planned, Hugh could not be happier or more supportive."
Oh dear. 'Fleeting', "not planned". You know what that means. He had a one night stand and got unlucky.
And now we find out that his news partner is a 21-year-old burlesque dancer.
This is wonderful news because, give it a few months and we'll be in for the best Celebrity Jeremy Kyle Show ever.
>Read the source story