There's a lovely story in the news of a management consultant who secretly filmed himself having sex with his partner. What type of management consultant was he? He specialised in time and motion.Talk about taking your work home with you. She's lucky he didn't work in downsizing.
44-year-old Graham Gibbons told Cardiff crown court he made the 35-minute long illicit tape to assess the efficiency of his bedroom prowess and not for a sexual thrill.
Efficient? "I spend 28 minutes having sex. I think, if I work hard, I could get that down to 16."
Efficiency is not something you aim for in bed. You never want to roll over, ask your partner, "How was it for you?" and hear them say, "Erm... efficient."
And he was focusing on the wrong half. If you're concerned with time and motion and you're watching a sex tape, focus on the motion.
When she found out that he'd filmed her she called the police and he went to court charged with voyeurism. I never realise voyeurism included watching yourself. I have a mirror in the bathroom I think I break the law in every time I shower.
In his defence he said he only used the footage as an "academic research" project. Mr Gibbons told police: "After studying the tape I gave her 20 minutes of sexual satisfaction, five minutes of intercourse and another nine minutes of sexual satisfaction."
Judge Nicholas Cooke QC told the jury: "He is charged with voyeurism, not with being an oddball." They took just 10 minutes to find Gibbons not guilty.
He got off in 10 minutes, which is twice as long as he took in the video.
Gibbons said: "I was only doing my job as a time and motion expert. I am very happy with the verdict. I've had this hanging over me for a long time."
And the moral of the story is you should do what I do, and before you have sex with someone you have to say, "This may be recorded for training purposes."
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