The Berkshire town of Staines has moved a step closer to changing its name. "I don't blame them," I can almost hear you type in my comment box below, "It's the worst place name since Cockermouth."Well, here's the twist. They want to chance its name to Staines-upon-Thames. That does help. It still sounds like something you'd need to treat with Vanish Oxy-Action, we just know where we need to pour it now.
Changing from Staines to Staines-upon-Thames is like someone with a willy for a nose growing a moustache.
Business leaders have been campaigning for the change to improve the town's image since it became a joke in Ali G's act. Alex Tribeck, chairman of Spelthorne Business Forum, which initiated the move, said, "There's no doubt Ali G put Staines on the map."
Can you hear yourself? You make it sound like he ate a kebab while trying to find a street. Your place name sounds like something Toilet Duck fights. That's your real problem.
I don't think Staines-upon-Thames is going to help, but if you insist on naming your town after something you find in old underwear, it's a shame Mark's Tey has already been taken.
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