The Express gives us a warning. Not about the £50million-a-day EU bill. We all spent years in school learning how to ask for the bill in European languages, it was bound to happen.The biggest warning is in the headline, "Angelina: I'm still a bad girl."
It's an odd phrase, 'bad girl'. It makes me think of those less than convincing cross-dressers. "Stubble, Adam's apple, chest hair... you make a bad girl."
I know that Angelina Jolie means she's a bad girl as in a naughty girl. What, doesn't do her home work? Doesn't eat her greens? That explains why she's been getting so thin.
In an interview Angelina says she is lucky that she didn't die young. I think we can all say that. You don't often hear people down the pub saying, "Of course my biggest regret was that I didn't die young. At least that way I never would've seen Jedward."
She has done some pretty bad things in her time. She once snogged her brother in front of the press. That is just plain wrong. I say that because I don't have a sister that looks like Angelina.
She exchanged blood with Billy Bob Thornton when they got married. I disagree with that too. I hate gifts that you have just made yourself.
And she once admitted that she liked to use knives during sex. I don't even know what the correct way to use knives in sex would be. You start with the small one on the outside during foreplay and work your way in?
She said: "So I am very lucky. There are other artists and people that didn't survive certain things... people can imagine that I did the most dangerous, and I did the worst... for many reasons, I shouldn't be here."
Look, just because you ate a ham sandwich doesn't mean you're going to end up like Mama Cass.
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