NHS Taking The PIPs

The NHS could bear the cost of removing breast implants for thousands of women, despite official guidance that they do not pose an immediate health risk.

It's coming at a bad time for the UK economy. Not only will this take taxpayer's money to fund the operations but it could also see many Babestation-style TV channels going off air and the subsequent loss to the exchequer. Have you ever seen some of the fake boobs on those stations? Some of them look like the old leather footballs they used to play with. I swear one woman has laces under hers.

It's the 'Poly Implant Prosthese' fake breasts, also known as PIPs, which paints a horribly mental image when you think of John Humphrys talking up to the PIPs on Radio 4. They have been made from substandard silicone and some of then have burst.

I think they really mean punctured. If they burst it sounds like you hear a pop and get hit on the back of the neck by some woman's nipple. The NHS would have to hand out goggles to the affected women's partners.

I suppose if the newspapers said that there's a risk the PIP fake breasts could get a puncture it doesn't sound as dramatic. And that conjures up an image of a woman dipping her boob in a washing up bowl full of water trying to find it.

France, Germany and the Czech Republic have all urged anyone with PIP implants to have them taken out, but the UK government last night said there was no evidence Britain should follow suit. We're getting good at using our veto.

It's a difficult issue. Should the NHS pay to remove something that hasn't been linked to cancer, potentially from women who might smoke, drink and use sunbeds?

But if you had the PIP implants inside you, how would you feel? You'd be terrified thinking that they could burst and release non-medical grade silicone into your body. You'd be frightened to put them under any pressure, you might even stop anyone from touching them.

And that is why the NHS needs to step up. It's for the greater good.