Vibrating Bum

Vibrating BumI always knew this happened. I knew I wasn't insane.

Experts have identified a new condition suffered by obsessive mobile phone users. Forget RSI or tennis thumb, people who use their mobiles too much are suffering from "phantom bum vibrations".

This is where you put your phone on vibrate, you think you can feel your phone ringing but when you put your hand in your pocket you realise your phone isn't even in your trousers. And you just need a poo.

Research carried out at the University of Worcester has found we're so obsessed with getting a call or text we imagine we can feel some vibrations. And well done for doing that research. I wouldn't want to be the one putting electrodes on someone's bottom muscles to monitor any actual tremors, but I'm glad someone's done it.

It's linked to stress. The more stressed you are the more likely you are to experience a fake trouser wobble. Well, it's better than a heart attack. In the old days if you were really stressed you'd clutch your chest. Now you just clutch your bum and say, "Oh, I thought I was ringing."

I have to admit, I have this condition. I often suffer form these phantom bum vibrations.

I say "suffer", I thoroughly enjoy them.

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