Do You Want To Buy The Queen A New Yacht

Front of the Guardian has the headline "Give Queen a new royal yacht for the jubilee, says minister." That headline under a picture of the Costa Concordia makes it look like the minister doesn't really like the Queen. "What, boats sink? Well, let's buy the Queen one."

And that is a shocking picture. But I can't be the only one who thinks that looks like a cigarette being stubbed out. It won't be long before local Giglio souvenir shops start knocking 'em out.

On the sunk cruise ship story, the bosses of the company have blamed the captain, saying he appeared "to have not followed standard Costa procedures". "Standard Costa procedures"? What's that, offering you a cake or muffin with every drink?

Rescued passengers also vented their anger on messageboards with one comment reading: "Captain is a coward!" There hasn't been this much hatred for a captain since John Terry.

But that is a truly sad story, so back to the Queen. It's Education Secretary Michael Gove who has written a letter to Cabinet colleagues calling for the Queen to be given a new royal yacht for the Diamond Jubilee.

You can always find the hidden meaning behind a gift. If someone buys you toiletries it implies you smell. If someone buys you a boat it implies, "get lost!"

It's likely to cost us £60million to buy her a yacht. Admittedly, that's about £1 each, so it's the same amount as you begrudgingly put in a whip round at working when it's for someone you don't really like. In fact that's what we should do, pay the £1 each but then just present her with a £60million voucher. You can't even spend that in the shops you like, you have to spend it in WH Smiths or wherever. It's the lack of thought that goes into the voucher that's worse than the amount.

In the letter, which has been sent to Jeremy Hunt, the culture secretary and minister overseeing the celebrations, and to the deputy prime minister, Nick Clegg, Gove at one point comes close to suggesting that Britain's dire economic climate means that a large-scale celebration is required to lift the country's spirits.

Surely we can have a large-scale celebration without having to buy someone a boat? It would be £60million coming out of the tax payers' money at a time when schools and hospitals are being shut. Plus, who knows how much tax payers' money would have to go on wrapping paper.

Just because she wants a boat doesn't mean we should buy her one. When I was a child I'd want the latest toy and my parents would point out that I didn't play with the ones they bought me before. I mention this because Her Majesty's Yacht Britannia is now permanently moored as an exhibition ship at Ocean Terminal, Leith, Edinburgh, Scotland.

She should start using that one again. We'd save £60million and when Scotland get their independence we won't have to have that awkward conversation about how the Queen would like her boat back please.

>Read the source story


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