The Krankies Were Swingers

There are a lot of horrible things happening out there in the world of the news. Some things you read in the papers can bring you close to tears. Well, even if you can handle that, you'd better sit down for this.

The Krankies were swingers. Oh my god, I just threw up into my own mouth.

That's just ruined so many childhood memories for me. Hearing that the the Krankies were swingers is like finding out that Dogtanian's nose was red because he did so much coke. It's like hearing Cheetara from Thundercats got joggers' nipple.

The Krankies, swingers. Imagine being at one of those parties, reaching into the fruit bowl and pulling out the keys on the keyring that says, "The Krankiemobile".

You'd think, "Oh, that's just great. I get Wee Jimmy Krankie trying to go up on me."

Ian Krankie said: "It was never involved, lovey-dovey stuff with the others. It was just these incredible parties that would get out of hand. Janette might ask, 'Where's Ian?' and they'd happily tell her I was in the room next door with a dancer with my trousers around my ankles."

Trousers round your ankles? That was no time to be taking a dump.

He added: "I was a bit punchy. I punched Paul Daniels — but that's not really a bad thing is it? I think he contradicted something I was saying."

Let me guess, you thought Debbie McGee was still in the closet but Paul was saying she'd disappeared?

Janette said: "Showbiz is a notorious graveyard for marriages and people are always curious about how we managed to stick together since 1969. The truth is we've always been together as a married couple. But it didn't stop us having fun with other people."

Not only shouldn't we be shocked by this, we should encourage it. Janette holds the key to curing the paedophile problem. She's a woman over the age of consent who can look like an under-age boy. If we can get her to offer that service, and we turn the sex offenders' register into a rota, job done.

With ideas like that I don't know why I'm not in charge of the country.

>Read the source story


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