It's a common issue. Little yobby teens meeting up in the woods is a problem. It can make people not want to go into those woods. Teddy bears are having to find other places for picnics.
So the council developed a plan to cover the woods with smelly animal poo. That way the teens won't want to hang out in the woods getting up to no good. Of course, the woods then smell of shit. It still makes people not want to go into the woods. The Teddy bears will bring up anything they actually eat.
Middlesbrough Council came up with the cheap but effective method of combating anti-social behaviour in woods at Coulby Newham.
Seeing as it works maybe it's something we should look into using elsewhere. There's a lot of crime on night buses in London. Maybe if we covered the top deck in dung we'd be safe.
There's more evidence to back me up here. Cows poo in fields and most theft, burglary and even traffic offences don't happen in fields. Coincidence? I doubt it.
Nottingham has a problem with gun crime that has got worse in the last few years. These days you don't see as much dog poo on the pavements. Maybe the two are related.
You can't fight the science. I have proved that poo is the solution to crime. So forget about carrying a panic alarm, just have a lot of bran.
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