Tom Cruise, Poo-Face

Never kick a man when he's down. But it's OK, Tom Cruise isn't down, he's stood up. It just looks like he's down. He's little.

Yesterday we heard that Tom Cruise is being divorced by Katie Holmes. Today a magazine is telling us about his beauty regime. Apparently he rubs a mix of nightingale poo, rice bran and water into his face every night.

He has bird shit on his face? And now the question is, "Why didn't she divorce him before?"

He turns 50 in July and he certainly looks good for his age, so maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge. It's possible that bird poo can keep you looking young. Have you ever see a bird with an old looking arse? I rest my case.

He's not the first person to have a bird poo facial. Victoria Beckham has had them done and Nelson's Column is a big fan. And he looks great for his age.

The treatment costs around £135 and works because the bird turd contains enzymes that exfoliate the skin. Plus, when you get home and think about the fact you've had some shit on your face, you probably scrub so hard you really get rid of the dead skin.

I was thinking of trying it so I Googled "How to get a bird to poo on me for £135." May I just say, Yahoo Answers was really helpful.

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