30/01/2012

RBS Heston Gives Bonus Back

Stephen HestonI woke today, saw the headline on the front of the i that said: "RBS boss bows to pressure and waves bonus."

Well, how is he meant to get buy on just his £1.2million basic salary? I know there's a recession on, but the dude's gotta eat.

And we should remember, he has been very successful as a boss of RBS. The Government said he managed to downsize RBS and thereby protect the tax payer from risk. So we should thank him for seeing the share prize drop.

And he oversaw the laying off of 4,000 people. He worked hard to make sure 4,000 people don't have a job to go to, and we thank him by taking away his bonus?

That's exactly what I'd expect to happen... in communism!

It's not like all these city types are greedy. RBS chairman Sir Philip Hampton gave up his £1.4million "golden hello" payout.

I'm not an expert in finance, which is why I don't know why they have these golden things; golden hello, golden handcuff, golden handshake. All I'm saying is, if ever you go round to their house, don't try the shower.

Some people say you shouldn't have "guaranteed bonuses" because they're an oxymoron. It's like having a guaranteed Christmas present. No, if you've been a knob all year you're on Santa's naughty list, deal with it.

But they're looking at it the wrong way round. We should feel sorry for the city bosses who have these "guaranteed bonuses" because I'll tell you one thing about a "guaranteed bonus", there's no surprise.

ACCOUNTANT: "Hey, Stephen. Guess what I've got for you."
STEPHEN: "Oooh, I don't know. What is it?"
ACCOUNTANT: "It's your bonus."
STEPHEN: "Oh."
ACCOUNTANT: "What's wrong?"
STEPHEN: "Nothing. It's just... anything else other than the bonus?"
ACCOUNTANT: "No, that's it."
STEPHEN: "Well, it's the thought that counts. I'm glad you put so much thought into it!"

>Read the source story
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