The front of the Daily Mail says: GPs Make £162m Out of 'Ghost Patients'.Well that's a con. What can a doctor do for a ghost? They're already pretty dead. Prescribing antibiotics is kind of locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.
And if you're a doctor how do you treat a ghost? Tell them to open their mouths and say, "Aaaaaaaaaaagggghhhhh!" (imagine that with some reverb too.)
But it happens. While some of the 'ghost' patients have just moved away from the area yet stayed on the books, some others have actually died. We're paying doctors on the NHS to give healthcare to dead people.
The doctors still get £100 for each dead patient even though they don't actually go to see the doctor. That's a shame. If more dead people went for a check up the waiting rooms would be enjoyable quieter. But the smell would stay the same.
And if they went for tests it would really lower the average results. "Oh, I have an above average lung capacity, do I doctor? Because I can breathe? Interesting." Although it would make me even more above average weight.
We have to sort this. We simply cannot have a system where doctors get paid for dead people, because do you know who's responsible for making a lot of them...
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