08/02/2012

Colder Than The North Pole

Colder Than The North PoleRecently I have been on a rant about the way our newspapers talk about the weather. On hot days we get "UK Hotter Than India" and last week "UK Colder Than Iceland". It all seemed like needless competition. We're hosting the Olympics this year, maybe we should try to focus on winning at sports and not put all our support behind our temperatures.

But today it's actually an impressive one. The Express says, "-15C: Colder Than The North Pole".

That is impressively cold. And all those people who campaign about climate change saying, "Where will the polar bears live?" I think we know the answer now, move to a small town in the UK.

Actually they should move to the village of Midsomer like in the TV show. It'll have cold temperatures and they're white, so they'll blend in.

Sadly it's not just the cold. Forecasters say in the next few days we'll get widespread ice and snow.

That means we're screwed again. It doesn't matter that we have a few days warning and the councils say they're prepared. We all knew snow was coming last Saturday, everyone. Even if you were living under a rock, you can get a 3G signal there these days, so it's no excuse. And even with that much warning they still didn't grit the A1, that I got stuck on.

Come on, it's the A1. Even if you had just one gritter, if you started alphabetically I should've been fine.

It was weeks of authorities saying, "We have massive stock piles of grit this year." And you still had massive stock piles of grit after it had snowed because it was just left in your yard.

Colder than the North Pole sounds pretty bad because we all think of the old stories of people walking there dragging their supplies behind them. It's not that inhospitable these days. I saw a David Attenborough show where they just fly you in to the pole.

It snows there all the time, it is by definition as cold as the North Pole there, and they still manage to fly people in. But one inch of snow and Heathrow will be closed up like Woolworths.

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