I wanted to do a nude calendar this year like the Women's Institute famously did, where they had cakes and things placed so you couldn't see any rude parts. The good news is, I couldn't find any cakes big enough. Yeah, ladies, you're liking the sound of that.
The bad news is I meant the cakes weren't big enough to hide my moobs.
Meanwhile a company in Germany has made a sexy calendar for nerds. I'm a nerd so I thought I'd have a look. It's called Nerd Dreams and features woman with old computer technology.
I starts off well. In January there's a woman with an old Apple computer sat eating an apple. That's clever on so many levels. Symbolism or one of the other words they used to throw around in GCSE English Lit. Like Eve in the computer shop of Eden.
In February's one the woman has totally messed up printing with that dot matrix printer. And she's blonde, which is making her look more like an Andrex puppy than a nerd.
In March the woman has a ZX81 with a light gun. But the light gun only came with the Spectrum Plus 1. Yeah, good luck plugging that in. Tut.
The woman in the June page has glasses on, but I don't even think she has prescription lenses in them. How is that nerdy? I put the three years in at university, I did the reading. And kids think they can be nerdy just by wearing some Superdry specs. No. Just like you can't qualify for a blue parking badge if you sit in a Superdry wheelchair.
In November there's a woman who, by the looks of it, was trying to plug in an ethernet cable but go it so wrong she managed to tie herself up. No, no, no. Maplins sell cable tidies, and a nerd knows that.
And by December we have a woman who hasn't even plugged her computer in.
After looking through the whole calendar I have a slight suspicion that these women aren't actually nerds. See, I might be a nerd, but I'm perceptive at times.
>Read the source story
P.S. If you want to buy the Nerd Dreams Calendar 2013 click here
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