Review of 2012 - October

At the Tory Party conference we heard of plans to let home-owners use "disproportionate force" against burglars. It's hard to know what disproportionate is. If someone nicks the milk off your doorstep you have to firebomb their village. It seems like a lot of work. The plans included grossly disproportionate force being illegal. So, what is a "grossly disproportionate" thing to do to a burglar? Well, according to David Cameron it's OK to knock out a burglar, it's OK to stab a burglar, but it would be "grossly disproportionate" to stab a burglar who is already knocked out. Well, yeah. Who'd want to do that? Not even Liam Neeson in the film Taken goes round being that much of a nasty piece of work.

We found out that we were going to be in for a cold winter when British Gas announced that it was increasing its prices by 8%. If you see Sid tell him... he's a dick.

Speaking of which, Lance Armstrong got into trouble for being a drugs cheat but he still insisted that he'd done nothing wrong. Wow. Imagine the size of the ball on that guy.

A Brazilian student sold her virginity for almost half a million pounds in an online auction. And now that virginity has been found to be a worthwhile commodity there's every chance that America will invade a place that has a lot of virgins. I've seen the UK, we're safe.

She's 20-year-old Catarina Migliorini, which makes her too old for the last story from that month. The headline was "Glitter's 10-hour Sex Quiz", which sounds like one of the worst TV shows Channel Five has ever made. Gary Glitter was arrested by the police investigating Jimmy Savile. Since then so many entertainers from the 70s have been linked to paedophilia. It's ruined so many childhood memories, although not everyone back then was a wrong 'un. I remember watching The Krankies, and as long as the old bloke never shagged Wee Jimmy I'll be OK.

Get ready for the SomeNews Podcast "2012 Review", out on December 31st. Subscribe now for free via iTunes/RSS/email and get it as soon as it's released.

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