Review of 2012 - September

We all enjoyed the Paralympics mainly because George Osborne got booed as he attended a medal ceremony. He was unhappy, but that's because he isn't used to giving away the gold to people who could claim disability benefit. The Paralympics closing ceremony was mainly just Coldplay singing for hours. It was a rare treat, but mainly for the deaf competitors.

And September was the month when we got to see some regal boobies. A French magazine printed pictures of the Duchess of Cambridge topless. At first I didn't know who that was. I thought it Camilla. And then I saw the pictures, and I didn't know who that was. I saw a posh person with small boobs and I didn't know if it was Wills or Kate. But I looked at those photos so much they are forever burned into my memory, or as I now have to call it, "The Royal Bank of Wank".

Star magazine was wildly speculating that Kate was pregnant with twins. How times have changed, eh?

15-year-old school girl Megan Stammers ran away to France with her 30-year-old maths teacher. They didn't seem to realise that she was half his age, which means he hadn't taught her maths very well. Apparently he was only trying to walk her home but he was using Apple Maps.

Vogue magazine had an interview with Kristen Stewart where she talked about her former relationship with Robert Pattinson. Apparently he used to like to lick her armpits. I know what you're thinking, "That's wrong." But it's not as wrong as being unfaithful with married film director Rupert Sanders, just to put it into perspective. And Heidi Klum became a single woman again. We don't know if they split up because her partner stopped earning money. Well, do not use if Seal is broken.

We may have been called plebs this month by Tory Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell. The UK feigned surprise very well. And Nick Clegg was mocked when he took to the web to say sorry for breaking his promise on tuition fees. I haven't seen such a cock on a webcam since I tried out Chat Roulette.

Get ready for the SomeNews Podcast "2012 Review", out on December 31st. Subscribe now for free via iTunes/RSS/email and get it as soon as it's released.

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