The Royal Baby

This is the website that has brought you news of a man with a hand growing out of his leg and a cure for obesity that involves lizard spit. But this is the story that I thought twice before writing.

A little while ago I turned on the TV and I heard that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant. And that's something I assume will happen every time I turn on the TV till the thing is born.

Within minutes it went from big news to the kind of thing everyone is sick of seeing on Twitter. It's like Justin Bieber, only it's not fully developed yet. Heck, it's just like Justin Bieber.

Kate is understood to be less than 12 weeks' pregnant. That leaves over 29 weeks for the news to be obsessed. Every day we'll get an update from the BBC, The Sun will keep doing lists of puns that somehow relate to the royal baby (Radio Goo-Goo-Ga-Ga by Soon-To-Be-Queen) and sorry bad weather, but you have lost your regular front page spot on the Daily Express.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Wills and Kate. I'm over the moon at their news. Although that's because we'll get a bank holiday because of this, right? The royal wedding gave us one in 2011, then the Jubilee gave us one in 2012. No pressure but there's a reason the number of people who want to keep a monarchy in the UK has gone up over the last two years.

And it's big news in another way, it's the first baby to be born under the new rules. Our constitution was changed so that even if Kate has a baby girl it is just as important as if she has a boy. Our royal family is leading the way, and we hope all of China follows.

If this royal baby is a girl she is still the next in line to the throne after William, which means Prince Harry moved down one. Wow. If you don't have the right hair colour in that family they really don't want you getting the main job.

In some ways it's easy to feel sorry for the baby. Through no choice of its own it will be born into a life of scrutiny and expectation. If I could give advice I'd say, "Hey. Just try to do the right thing and don't let the pressure get to you. And oh yeah, thanks to a magazine in France we all got to see where you'll be dining soon. Spoiler alert: Bring a packed lunch."

And I don't want to speak harshly of anyone involved. It's great news for them and a worrying time. At less that 12 weeks gone we should all keep our fingers crossed for them. There are many things that could endanger the mother's life too, all the way through the pregnancy. Like, if it's born ginger.

So, congratulations to the royal couple, but please news, go easy on it. There are other things happening in the world you know. Important things. It's the final of X Factor next week.

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